Losing One's Hope
by beachbumyeahh
Summary: Jasper feels awful about almost attacking Bella on her birthday. He starts to think that the Cullens are better off without him. Alice sees this in her visions, and that’s where she starts to lose all hope. Set during New Moon, so PreEclipse.
1. Chapter 1: But If Not Me, Then Who?

**Losing One's Hope**

Summary: Jasper feels awful about almost attacking Bella on her birthday. He starts to think that the Cullens are better off without him. Alice sees this in her visions, and that's where she starts to lose all hope. PreEclipse

**Chapter 1**: But If Not Me, Then Who?

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I quietly knocked on the door, and slowly peeked my head in. "May I come in?" I asked the statuesque being that was sprawled on the bed.

He glanced in my direction and nodded before turning his attention back to the window.

I swiftly closed the door, and gracefully ambled towards the bed. "What are you thinking about?" I tried to keep my voice light, but the depression he was sending made it harder than it should have been.

I lay on the bed next to him, and closed my eyes. These were the moments that I wished I could sleep, allowing the dreams to carry me away from my troubles, but I shouldn't be the one wishing for this; I'm the only one in my family that has the closest ability to dreaming.

I felt him turn his entire body around, so that he could face me. "Forks." He simply answered. I could feel his eyes on me, watching every move I made.

I fluttered my eyes open, and bit my lip anxiously. "You're thinking about that night again, aren't you?" I tried my very best to show even the smallest smile, but he made it impossible.

"I always do, Alice." He muttered darkly. Even though I couldn't read minds like my currently-missing brother, I knew he was picturing that night in his head again.

I tried so many times already. I tried my very best to convince him that it wasn't his fault; that he shouldn't blame himself for everything that's happening. It's not his fault we had to move. It's not his fault Edward decided that it was too risky and left Bella alone and stupid. It's not his fault Edward is now currently missing. No, it's just not.

"Are you blaming yourself?" I met his eyes; I stared at him with a determined look.

He chuckled dryly; his lips were slightly curved upward. "I am to blame, Alice, no matter what you tell me."

I quickly sat up, and glared at him. "Do you have to be so difficult?"

He took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze before turning his body around, as he continued to gaze at the window.

I returned to my position on the bed, drowning in my own thoughts. He'd been like this for a couple of months, since we left Forks. He'd being awfully stubborn, if you asked me. He'd been getting on everybody's nerves, with the constant waves of depression and guilt.

Today, Rosalie wanted to give Jasper a piece of her mind. I tried to explain it to her. And when I say explain, I mean, we yelled at each other until she finally realized I had already foreseen this battle, and that I would win.

I closed my eyes, and quietly pictured what happened on Bella's birthday.

"_Jasper." I grabbed both of his hands, and held them tight. "Please calm down."_

_Emmett and Rosalie had just left to go check on the others inside, leaving Jasper and I alone._

"_Let go of me, Alice." He growled; his voice was menacing, but I ignored it. His eyes were black, but there were a couple of streaks of brown on the side. He must've been trying so hard, it pained me so much. I should have seen this coming; I should have prevented him from losing control. He had been doing so well._

_I looked up, and gave him the most determined yet angry look I could muster. I let out a snarl, and tightened my grip on his arms. My nails were digging in his skin, but I didn't care. All I cared about was his and everybody else's safety. "No."_

_Even with vampire vision, and my special ability, I didn't see this coming. I heard a low, loud growl and a rough push on my shoulder. The next thing I knew, I was on the ground and Rosalie was next to me. I sat there; my mouth was wide open with shock. Emmett was pinning him on a nearby tree, growls were erupting from both men. _

"_Are you alright, Alice?"_

_Rosalie caught my attention and I glanced at her. She was holding my elbow up with one hand, so that I was sitting instead of lying on the ground, and the other hand was wrapped on my shoulders protectively. "I'm fine." I finally felt fear creep up to me, when the reality had hit me. "Don't let Emmett hurt my husband." I whispered._

"_Alice!" Jasper growled; his thrashing was becoming more and more violent. "Alice!" Emmett quickly glanced at me, to make sure I was alright. _

_I carefully stood up, removing myself from Rosalie's hold. "I better go check on Bella." I heard a loud, frustrated growl before I left. _

I remembered the panic I felt when I learned that Emmett had let Jasper hunt by himself. I was deathly afraid for any human's safety and Jasper's, too, but Emmett had reassured me that before he had let Jasper go, he had control over himself.

"_Where's Jasper?" I asked Emmett, when he finally entered the house._

_He wiped off invisible sweat, and sat on the couch. "He went hunting."_

"_What?!" I shrieked, immediately running in front of him. "What do you mean he went hunting?" I was glad that Emmett had been sitting down, so that I would be towering over him this time. Without Jasper here to calm me down, my emotions were amiss._

"_That's what we vampires do whenever we feel thirsty, and in this case, when we almost attack humans." He said slowly, as if I didn't know that._

_I scowled at him, "I know what vampires do when they're thirsty, Emmett." I gritted my teeth, trying to be patient. "When we are thirsty, we feed on blood." I paused; my fists were curled up like balls. "And humans have blood!" I shrieked the last part, gaining the attention of my family with the exception of Bella and Edward. They quickly ran towards us, concern was evident in their faces._

"_What's going on here?" Esme immediately asked. Rosalie swiftly walked towards the back of the couch, so that Emmett was in front of her. I watched her lift her hand carefully, and smacked Emmett on the head. _

"_What did you do this time?" Rosalie hissed, her eyes were glaring at him._

_Emmett rubbed the top of his head, and looked up. "Nothing! Honestly!"_

"_He let Jasper out to hunt! Alone!" I shrieked, pacing back and forth. "What if he accidentally passes a human? I should've come with him!" I turned to Emmett, "You shouldn't have let him hunt alone!" I panicked._

"_Have some faith in him, Alice!" Emmett yelled, "I would've never let him hunt if he wasn't in control of himself. He was in control, his eyes weren't black. They were topaz, just like ours. He just needed fresh air and maybe blood."_

"_I do have faith. I do." I sat on the couch next to him. "I'm just too worried about him. I'm his wife. I should've been able to ease the pain for him. But I couldn't do anything before! I couldn't help him. He was suffering, and I couldn't help." I buried my face in my hands, frustrated with myself._

"_We couldn't do anything to stop what had happened, Alice. You shouldn't blame yourself." I heard Carlisle's fatherly voice say._

"_I just need him back, safe and alive." I felt Emmett's heavy arm on my shoulder, patting my back._

"Jasper?" I suddenly called out, but I didn't bother to look at him.

He turned his head around, and had this questioning look on his face. "What is it, Alice?"

"Sometimes, I hold myself responsible for what happened." I admitted, "If I had just seen the event coming, I would've – "

Jasper suddenly was out of bed and on the other side, kneeling next to me. I turned around, so my body was facing him. "Don't you dare blame yourself for what happened, Alice." He snatched my hand, and held it to his stone cheek. "Please don't blame it on yourself. If there's someone to blame, it's me. But never, ever think that it was your fault. You don't need to deal with the misery."

"But if not me, then who?" I quietly asked.

He also quietly replied, "Me."

I stroked his granite cheek, "It's not okay for me to deal with the burden, but it's okay if you blame yourself?" I asked, "Every single day, you would brood and I would watch you, unable to help. Do you think that doesn't bother me? It does. It hurts to know I can't help, that I can't ease the pain that you feel."

He gaped at me for awhile, as if what I told him was something he didn't understand nor see before. He gripped my hand, and kissed the back of it. Before standing up, and kissing the top of my head as well. "I'm sorry I make you feel that way. I don't mean to." He sat on the edge of our bed; he suddenly found the cream carpet interesting as he continued to stare downwards.

"I love you Jazz, but you're putting up walls that I can't penetrate. I don't know what's happening anymore. I don't know what goes through your mind anymore. Heck, this is the longest conversation we've had in months." I sighed, grabbing a pillow; hugging it tightly. "I miss your smile, your laugh, and your corny – but entertaining jokes. The emotions you give off, it's hard to smile. It's too overwhelming. Even Emmett doesn't crack jokes anymore."

"Everybody's emotions are haywire. Rose misses Forks, though she won't admit it. Emmett misses Bella, and the coffee table that she always trips on whenever she would pass it. He actually misses the animals in Forks, instead of the bears here. Esme is always cleaning, trying to keep herself busy, but the anxiety she feels is eating away at me. And Carlisle is worried about everyone; his emotions are different every day. Sometimes he feels sad, most of the time he's worried, and at rare times: angry." He glanced at me, his body stiff. "And you, the way you feel, it drives me crazy. You're always sad, and worried. Your emotions stand out the most. It's intense."

"I'm worried, about you." I whispered, it was barely heard. But I knew he heard it.

He shook his head, as he stood up and walked near the door. "You don't need to worry about me," He paused for a moment; it looked like he hesitated before talking again. "I'm not going anywhere." He looked me straight in the eye, before leaving the room.

I tugged on the sheets, and closed my eyes. That was the longest conversation I had with him a while. He actually smiled, even if it was just once.

I felt myself being taken away, my vision was blurring, as new images came to my mind.

"_What's all of this, Jasper?" I watched Carlisle speak, as he rose from his chair. _

_Jasper also rose from the couch, and closely eyed everyone. I watched as his eyes stopped, and stared at me. "I wanted to tell something to all of you."_

"_Is something wrong, Jasper?" Esme asked, her voice sounded worried._

"_I've been doing a lot of thinking lately," I watched myself sit silently; my future me refused to meet his eyes. "I've decided that I've done enough damage to this family, as it is."_

_Rosalie's head suddenly shot up, "What do you mean?"_

"_You guys deserve better. You're better off without me." He never left his eyes off of the future me. "I'm forever grateful that you have accepted me with open arms. I believe that since I've caused only chaos to this family, I should have the decency to realize that the Cullen family is better off with seven members instead of eight."_

"_Instead of eight?" Emmett wondered, his eyes were darting towards Jasper and the future me that was still statuesque on the couch, staring at the floor._

"_Once I'm gone, Edward will come home and you guys can come back to Forks." He attempted to smile, but miserably failed. "Bella will be part of the family again."_

"_Absolutely not!" Rosalie's high pitched voice rang throughout the house. "Carlisle! Esme!" Rosalie turned to them, "You can't possibly allow him to just waltz out like this."_

_He finally tore his gaze away from me, and stared at Rosalie. But before he could even talk, I watched the future me lift her head and lock eyes with Jasper. "He's finally made his decision, Rose. No one can change it." My voice sounded defeated; as if I accepted the truth._

I gasped, my vision finally ending. I felt all the remaining positive thoughts in my head go down the drain. He was going to leave us. He was going to leave me alone. Did he not know that I loved him with every fiber of my lifeless body? Did he also not know that every single time that we would make love, I felt like my heart would suddenly restart again because of him?

There was no exact time or date. I haven't had the slightest idea when that would happen. But I'm guessing soon.

Did he not remember our wedding vows? It was for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part. Technically, we were already dead when we made the vows, but still, I felt so betrayed, so alone.

I've never felt like this before. I felt fear creep onto me; the thought of a life without Jasper was terrifying. I would rather die a gruesome death, than live my eternal life without Jasper.

_I'm not going anywhere._

His words rang loudly in my head.

_I'm not going anywhere._

He lied to me.

_You don't need to worry about me,_

Every inch of faith I tried to keep, started to fade away.

_I'm not going anywhere._

As well as the hope I've been gathering. It was all leaving, floating away. Just like Jasper.

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A/N: Review, okay? Even if you hate it, though I do wish you didn't hate it. ) Thanks to my beta, Spam Hearts Jasper, by the way.


	2. Chapter 2: Crash and Burn

**Losing One's Hope**

Summary: Jasper feels awful about almost attacking Bella on her birthday. He starts to think that the Cullens are better off without him. Alice sees this in her visions, and that's where she starts to lose all hope. PreEclipse

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**Chapter 2: Crash and Burn**

My knees were pulled up to my chest as I curled into a ball on top of my bed. I whimpered; the mere thought of Jasper leaving me was enough to drive me insane. I only received visions whenever someone had already made a decision, which unfortunately meant he'd already decided.

That last flicker of hope rose in me; maybe he would change his decision. I hoped that for once, my vision would be wrong. I imagined my life without Jazz, and it sucked, but what didn't surprise me was life without Jasper was just like what my life is now. Dull, sad, and just simply boring. But I would always choose this life over the one that did not include Jasper. At least he was here physically, even though emotionally, he was lost.

My head snapped towards the door, when I heard it open quietly. "What?" I snarled; feeling angry. Reality had hit me, hard. He was going to leave. He lied to me. Edward was missing. Bella could die any second with her rate of clumsiness. Rosalie's selfish; and Emmett's a big, dull person. Esme was worried about everyone, and Carlisle, too. And I was here – just like Jasper – wallowing in my own self pity. Everything was a mess.

"Alice?" He closed the door, and leaned on it. "Are you alright?"

That's where I snapped. How could he stand there? How could he ask me that? How could he have the guts to ask me that?

Was I alright?

No. "Do I _look_ like I'm okay?" I tore my eyes off of him, and stared outside the window.

"You had a vision." It wasn't a question; it was more of a statement.

I breathed deeply, though I really didn't need the oxygen. "Is there something you wanted?" I paused, my voice cracking. "Or maybe something you wanted to _say_?"

"I wanted to know if you were alright." He was clearly confused about my behavior and emotions. I was sure to radiate hatred and disappointment. "And, I wanted to know what you're vision was. Did you see Edward, or maybe Bella?"

"I'm not alright." I turned my head back to his direction, when I was caught off guard; he was closer than I realized. He was sitting on the bed, staring at me. "And the vision was nothing important." I stood up, and quickly glided out of the door.

I swiftly walked onto the living room where Esme was once again cleaning. I tried to go out unnoticed, but Esme could never be fooled. "Where are you going, Alice?" She'd been asking everybody who would leave the house where they would go. She made sure nobody would be running away like Edward.

"Hunting, Esme, _just_ hunting." I flatly said; showing no emotions whatsoever. My mind kept fluttering over to my latest and most horrific vision.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and looked up. Esme had that same worry in her face. "Is something wrong, dear?" Her motherly voice was so comforting; it took all my strength not to tell her everything.

"There's nothing to be concerned of, Esme." I gave her one, weak smile. "Don't worry."

"Maybe Jasper should accompany, so you two could hunt together." She offered, her voice never changing from that worried pitch. I wanted nothing to do with _him_, especially not now. But as soon as Esme had exclaimed the sentence, he was now beside me.

"I do need to hunt, too." He quietly said; it was more said to Esme, than to me.

Esme instantly brightened, "Well, now that we have got that settled." She turned around, and began walking to the kitchen. "Have fun, dears."

I grumbled, and took the keys of my car before taking off towards the garage. I started the car; the quiet purr relaxed me a bit. But I wasn't too sure of my emotions when there was a vampire next to me that could manipulate it. I drove silently out of the forest; the sooner we started, the sooner the slow, appalling day would end.

"Where are we hunting?" He asked; his voice was light, and happy. Wait, what? He was happy? He was broody Jasper, how can he be happy?

I shrugged, as I felt my mood lighten. He was definitely trying to make my mood better. Well, my mind doesn't agree with you, Jasper. I really don't like you right now, Jasper. I'm really wishing you could read minds, so you would know how much I loathe you and love you at the same time. "I don't know." I gritted my teeth; my grip on the wheel tightened, my knuckles were white.

"How could you not know?" His voice was clearly amused. "If we get lost, it's your fault." He chuckled; instead of the dark chuckle I heard not too long ago, this was an amused, light one.

We were almost out of the forest, and into the highway, when I stepped on the breaks; the tires screeching to a sudden halt. He was about to hit the front of my car, when the seat belt luckily pulled him back. "I did not exactly plan on going hunting, Jasper." I leaned my head on the wheel; I was sure to send frustrated emotions to him. "It was just some excuse to get out of the house without Esme throwing a fit."

He tapped his chin, his amused smile doesn't seem so amusing to me right now. "Well, that was a lame excuse." I groaned, and began bumping my head on the wheel. His mood right now didn't really match mine. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and slowly pulled me to him. "Stop bumping your head, you'll get hurt." He whispered.

"I'm a freaking vampire, Jazz. I don't get hurt." He used his free hand to help my head lean on his chest, and he quietly ran his hand through my hair.

He sighed, "Why are you so," He thought of what to say, "Jasper-y today?"

I scoffed, "What the hell is a Jasper-y?"

"Me, being Jasper, is, as everyone says, _moody_ and _broody_." He kissed the top of my head, "And you're moody and broody today, which you were not this morning. I'm being Alice-y right now. And you, being Alice, is as everyone knows, _happy_ and," He seemed to think of a word that would be right. "_Perky_?"

"So, you're saying I'm broody and moody today?" I asked. "And you're being happy and perky?" I uncontrollably let out a giggle. "_Perky_ Jasper? It has a nice ring to it."

"That's the Alice I know and love." I sighed; remembering exactly why was I – as Jasper said – 'Jasper-y'.

I pulled away from his grasp, and started the car again. Oh, how I love that wonderful purr of my beautiful car. At least my car won't leave me. Oh crap, I am turning all Jasper-y. I'm bitter and emotional. Oh no.

I shook my head silently and finally made it out of the forest and into the highway. "So, seriously, where are we going?" Jasper asked, once again.

"Seattle?" I pondered over the wonderful, familiar shops. It was like home. "I'm not sure. Where do you want to go?"

I am supposed to be angry at him. But it's hard to be angry when there's a vampire who can manipulate emotions, whose current emotion was cheerful. "Anywhere," he answered. "But I do need to hunt."

"Fine, I know a forest that's close here. I'll go shopping another time." I was out of the highway and into another pathway full of trees, following a small road. He nodded, and turned around to look at the blur of trees.

What should have been a 3 hour drive became a 10 minute drive. "We're here!" I exclaimed as I climbed out of the car. I took in the scenery; it mimicked the forests they had in Forks. Everything was green, the leaves, the trunk of the trees, the floor, everything. I was never too fond of the color, but now I was happy to see it. It was like we were home.

I heard Jasper suck in a breath, "We aren't in Forks, _are_ we?" He asked, sceptical.

I truly laughed this time, "No, we're_ still _stuck in Alaska, and as much as I love it here, I miss Forks."

"Yeah," His voice suddenly dropped; instead of the happy, amused voice I had been hearing for a few minutes, his voice was nothing close. "And it's entirely my fault." I heard him curse before running off towards the forest, probably to hunt.

I sighed, "My husband and his mood swings." I grimaced, before running off to hunt as well. I ran throughout the forest; I felt wide awake as the air slapped my face. I wasn't in need of a hunt, since I went hunting here yesterday. I just needed to clear my head; running was always the first option. I saw a streak of blonde beside me; as it ran off on another direction.

I ran one last lap across the forest before running downward towards a hot spring I had discovered months ago. I stopped, and sat down on the ground. I took off my shoes and dipped my feet onto the water. I felt my vision blur, as I waited for another vision.

Unlike my last vision, this was not as clear. It showed Jasper and I here, snuggling. It didn't make any sense; I'm here, but Jasper isn't. It probably won't happen anyway, you can't always trust my visions. My family trusts it too much, I'm not that good!

I shook my head, and splashed the water using my feet. I felt the hot water hit my skin; it was relaxing. I shouldn't get my hopes up. He could as easily change his decision again. "Stupid, unreliable visions," I mumbled.

"Stupid, unreliable visions?" I heard a teasing voice from behind. "I wouldn't call them that." I looked back to see his warm, butterscotch eyes looking at me, a matching smile on his face. Oh, I wished he knew what my stupid visions are showing.

"What would you call them then?"

He slowly walk towards me, "Fine, so I would call your vision stupid and unreliable." I laughed, "No offense, love." He added.

I shrugged, "None taken."

"How did you find this place?"

"This is where I go hunting." I mumbled, turning my face away from his. For the past few months, he had been hunting on his own, refusing to let anyone come. So I usually went out alone too. The forest near our new house was a bit dull, just some rabbits and elks. The two were neither of my favourites. While up here, there were deer – my favourite – and a couple of bears.

He shuffled his feet awkwardly, before sitting beside me. "Oh." Was all he managed to say.

"You looked like you enjoyed the hunt." I mindlessly said, trying to break the silence.

He nodded swiftly; his lips slowly starting to curve upward again. "Oh yeah, I did!" He excitedly said, "I took down a bear," He pumped his fist up in the air. "And without a _single_ scratch on me!" He boasted.

I laughed as I stared at his face, memorizing every detail, enjoying the happiness that was etched into his features. "Emmett would be so proud!" I added, doubling over the laughter.

We continued laughing and cracking jokes, a thing we hadn't done for so long. I cannot deny that even I was surprised by his sudden mood changes. He should've realized that if anyone could see right through him, it would be me; his face had happiness carved into it, but his light brown eyes blew his cover. In them I could see the pain, the worries, everything.

I looked at his wrist watch; 4:00 pm. It was still early for us to go home. I didn't want to. Maybe if we went home, he'd remember everything and start his cycle again. I didn't want him to go back to that; I didn't want him in pain if I could do anything to prevent it.

And then I suddenly began putting the pieces together. I slowly understood.

He was spending time with me, being happy, he was making the best of it, until he left. It made my heart ache even more, even though it was technically still. I breathed, trying to control myself. It was his decision if he wanted to tell me or not; it was his decision to leave or not.

"I love you." He scooted closer to me, and wrapped his arms around me. He set his chin on my shoulder, and sighed. "I will love you forever, Alice. I cannot describe how much I love you."

Instead of the fluttering feeling I usually felt whenever he would tell me how much he loved me, I felt anger seeping through. "Try and describe it." I took a deep breath. He lifted his chin and manoeuvred my head to his chest.

I felt him heave a deep sigh, "Alice, I died so many years ago. You make me feel alive, like it _never_ happened. Being with you feels like I've won the lottery; being with you touches me, more than I can say. You hold my heart, but captured it is a better word. If I hadn't met you that day at the diner, I wouldn't be the man I am today. Alice, if my heart could beat, I assure you, it would break through my chest." He looked down at my face and sent me a smile.

"You're the reason I still live. Alice, you _are_ the love of my life. The first time I laid my eyes on you, I instantly knew you were the one I was meant to be with for the rest of my eternally damned life, as Edward would say. I still get those butterflies in my stomach whenever I'm near you, whenever I see you. I love everything about you, your smile, your heart, your mind, your kindness, and your spirit." I felt a smile on my face. "Without you, Alice, I am not complete. Together, we're a _perfect_ fit." His warm, loving eyes met mine; I knew I mirrored it too. "I love you Alice, my wife, my love, and my life. I will continue loving you forever. No living or undead being will ever change that."

At that very moment, I wanted to cry. He loved me, and that would never change. "I love you, too, Jasper, _so_ much." I felt his arms tighten, as we continued to sit in silence. I closed my eyes, relaxing every muscle in my body.

After his speech, I felt myself hurt even more whenever I would remember that he would be leaving me soon. I still didn't understand how this would make things better. I would wager that it would be much, much worse after he left. Poor Esme, with a son missing and a danger magnet daughter left in Forks was a wreck. She'd be more miserable if another one of her children left her. Carlisle would not be happy, (I could see that) but he was mature; he'd let Jasper decide on his own. I always thought he was a very wise man, but letting Jasper decide? That didn't seem very wise of him, in my opinion.

Rosalie would be very upset; she and Jasper were very close, since they acted like they were twins every day. And what about Emmett? He'd be more depressed than ever; first it was Edward, and now it would be Jasper. His brothers were leaving, one by one. This family was falling apart, as much as I hated to admit it.

And then, there was me. What would happen to me?

My prediction was that I'd crash and burn.

Yes, that was good enough. Once he left, I would crash. And once I did, I'dburn. And then, I'd die.

I'd wither and die, alone.

I'd probably age before I died, too. White hair and wrinkly, saggy skin, oh hell no. I would not die with saggy breasts and wrinkly arms! I could deal with the white hair, but not that. Hell no, anything but that.

I heard his voice call out to me, breaking my trail of thoughts. "Alice?"

I opened my eyes. "Yes, Jasper?"

I felt his hand stroke my hair delicately. "If you don't mind me asking . . ."

"I don't mind." I blurted out. Damn, Alice, damn! What if the question is bad? Like him leaving or something? You see, this is why you're going to be condemned of dying with an ugly body. Okay Alice, concentrate, just listen to Jazz.

I heard him chuckle before continuing. "Why were you such in a bad mood this morning? Was it something I said while we were talking before?" He asked, anxious. "I keep thinking it was something I did."

"Or something you're _going_ to do." I muttered, barely heard even for a vampire. I opened my eyes to see him staring at me in disbelief.

"You saw a vision about me?" He asked, as I groaned. I never meant for him to hear that. I silently nodded my head, as I watched his face. The emotions on his face rapidly shifted from worry to guilt to sadness, then back to worry, and then guilt again. "Am I going to _hurt_ a human?" He asked; his tone was different. As if he was making sure of something.

"No, nothing like that," I mumbled.

I felt his arms slowly remove themselves from my waist, and I lifted my head. He grasped my hands, massaging it with his. "Then what was it?"

"Do you promise to be honest with me, Jasper?"

He looked skeptical, "Of course. _Always,_ Alice."

"Do you plan on leaving this month?" I looked away, unable to stare at his face. "Because the longer I spend time with you, the more it'll hurt when you leave."

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A/N: Did you like it? I hoped you did. :) Review, okay? Even if you did hate it. Haha. :))


	3. Chapter 3: Past

**Losing One's Hope**

Summary: Jasper feels awful about almost attacking Bella on her birthday. He starts to think that the Cullens are better off without him. Alice sees this in her visions, and that's where she starts to lose all hope. PreEclipse

**Chapter 3: Past**

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I would wait.

Waiting would become my new hobby; sitting and waiting felt right.

I'd been sitting on the foot of our stairs, waiting for the front door to open.

Don't get me wrong, the door always opens, but I'd been waiting for a certain person to walk through it.

For two weeks.

Two, long, agonizing weeks, I'd been in the same position. I only moved, if Esme had to clean, when Carlisle had forced me to hunt, when Rosalie had dragged me to my bathroom to shower, and when Emmett tried to cheer me up, and I always got irritated and angry.

The railings and the last step of the stairs were like my best friends. They'd accommodated me without hesitation. Not like they could turn me away; they were inanimate.

I began to doubt my sanity. I was describing lifeless objects as my best friends. Vampires were also lifeless objects, no life, and no soul, just like the stairs.

I'd lost the only person that actually made me feel human. I'd lost the rock that kept me firmly in place. He walked out of the very same door I'd taken to staring at. I remembered his face, confusion and reluctant. Jasper Whitlock was a man I loved very deeply. He took care of me, loved me in ways no one else could (or would). He was there every time I needed him, except now.

It was for the better, he said.

Yeah, and I was a bloodsucking vampire that loved hideous-smelling, huge dogs called werewolves.

The last two things I said, all lies. Lying is a habit nobody can avoid. I bet all of my money even the holy ones lies.

When I finally confronted Jasper about my vision, it wasn't exactly the best approach. We were having a great time when suddenly, poof, I crashed the party. I could remember every little detail, like how I picked up a tree and chucked it at him. Okay, so I admit, I got a little violent. If you were in the same situation and had super strength, you would've done the same thing.

_I felt his eyes staring at the back of my head. I knew I shouldn't have looked at his face, but I did. And I regretted it. I have never seen that many emotions in one's face. His eyes were pleading. Several times he had opened and closed his mouth, wondering what to say. "You knew." He stated._

"_Yes, I did."_

_My eyes silently went blank for a second, as I anticipated what he was going to say. "I'm sorry." That was not what I saw, so it caught me off guard._

"_You're what?" I asked in a disbelieving voice._

_He made a poor attempt to smile, really poor attempt. "I'm sorry you had to see it. But, it is for the better. I do not belong here. I only cause chaos for this family, you and everybody else deserve better."_

_I sucked in a breath, "Did you – did you think of the effect of your leaving will do to this family?" I stood up and began pacing back and forth in front of him. "Think of Esme, for example. She's a train wreck without Bella and Edward. You will just make it worse if you left too!"_

_He also stood up, as he ran a hand through his hair. "But, if I go, you will have Bella and Edward back."_

"_It's Edward we're talking about, Jasper. He's absolutely stubborn. Do you think he'll come back to Forks that easily? We don't even know where he is. He might be in Italy or China for all we know!"_

_He looked down, as I felt a large amount of sadness take over me. "I'm Jasper Whitlock. I've killed and fed on humans, I've also killed thousands of clueless, newborn vampires. I'm a monster." He looked down, unable to stare at me._

"_And I am Mary Alice Brandon-Whitlock. I've fed on humans, but I've changed my ways. Every time I've fed off a human, I would see their families, and it would break my heart. I've been feeding off animals for-" He opened his mouth to say something, but I silenced him. "That's why we don't feed off humans anymore, we want to be different. Even though we're damned to this kind of live forever, at least we're better than others. We are not monsters Jasper, you're not a monster."_

_I heard him groan. "Please just understand, Alice. Please."_

"_I don't understand! That's the thing! Why do you have to leave? Why didn't you tell me? Can't I come with you? Why do you blame everything on yourself? What if you get hurt? What if you die and nobody knows that you're dead? Are you going back to Texas, to Maria? Do you miss the action? Do you miss her? Do you miss killing newborns? Is our life boring? Is that why?" I stomped and whined. My tone was desperate and angry. "I don't understand, Jasper! Enlighten me if you can, but frankly, I don't think I ever will understand!"_

"_You can't come with me." That was all he said._

"_Why not?" I demanded._

_He took a deep breath, "You have a wonderful life here, and I will not take you away from that."_

"_Don't be stupid, Jasper!" I yelled, as I leaned on a nearby tree. "I have a wonderful life here because you're here with me."_

_He stared at me silently, his eyes apologetic and pleading. _

"_Don't you love me?" I whispered. The sadness in my voice surprised me. _

"_I do. I really do, Alice."_

"_Then why are you leaving me?" I asked in the same sad voice._

"_Alice . . ." He sighed. "Please don't be difficult."_

"_You're the one being difficult, Jasper, not me." I felt the tree lift, and watched it fly towards his direction. He yelped in surprise, and quickly ducked out of the way. _

_He looked at me disbelievingly, "You threw a tree at me."_

"_If you will leave, Jasper, you will take my wonderful life away." I quietly whispered, as I collapsed on the ground, burying my face on my hands._

And he did, he did take my wonderful life away.

Oh, the door just opened, I knew I shouldn't get my hopes high. It was just Emmett.

He smiled broadly and I don't like it. That meant he was going to talk to me; he'd try to cheer me up. Bring my Jasper back, and I would.

He walked towards me, and sat next to me. "Hello, Alice." He greeted. His face was dimpled as he smiled at me. "Could you see if it'll rain? I wanted to go play baseball. Carlisle told me it was a great idea."

I nodded and closed my eyes, trying to concentrate.

Nothing came. Seconds passed, minutes, still nothing. "Did you see anything?" Emmett continued to ask.

"I can't see anything." I sounded frustrated, and I am. Why couldn't I see anything?

"Why?" He asked, "I really, really wanted to play. It's so boring without Edward or Jasper to – oh, sorry Alice." He apologized, once he noticed he slipped.

I groaned, "I can't see anything! What the hell is wrong with me?" I continued to keep my eyes closed, trying to concentrate really hard.

"You're eyes are closed, open them and you'll see something." Emmett teased.

I whacked him on the head, "Will you stop? I'm trying to – oh!"

_A child with long, straight, jet black hair was sitting on her bed, playing with a doll. She was smiling as she tried on different clothes for her toy. _

"_Hello, Mary Alice." A petite, dark haired woman greeted as they entered a room._

_A man, also with dark hair, entered the room from behind her and walked towards the bed, where the child was looking at them curiously. "How is my little girl?" He gave her a kiss on the forehead, as he kneeled next to the bed._

"_Good morning Mother, Father." She smiled and greeted curtly. _

_The man smiled broadly at her. "Do you want to meet your new little sister, Alice?" The mother looked sternly at the father, but he just shrugged. The mother walked towards the two, and sat on the bed. _

_The child, Mary Alice was her name, looked at the bundle of blankets her mother was carrying. She frowned, and looked at her father. _

"_There is no need to be afraid, Alice." He reassured her. It seems that every time her father called her Alice, the mother would frown and click her tongue disapprovingly, but she was ignored._

"_Who is afraid, Father?" She quietly whispered, as she turned her head and stared at the baby. _

"_Don't you want to be a big sister?" The father asked._

_Mary Alice never removed her gaze, "You will love her more than me." She whispered. _

_The mother scoffed, "With the way you are acting? I already do." She muttered, Mary Alice didn't hear it, but the father glared at her._

"_Your mother and I will love you both equally, Alice." The father once again reassured her._

_Mary Alice watched curiously as the baby started giggling. She slowly smiled and touched the baby's cheek cautiously. The mother closely eyed her. "What is her name, Mother?" She asked._

"_Cynthia." The mother replied._

"_I could . . . take care of her . . . if you need a helper." Alice lifted her gaze from her new sister, towards her mother, a big grin on her face. Her mother stared back, her face was blank. Mary _

_Alice's face flashed a hint of hurt, but as quickly as it came, it was gone. She turned to her father, as they both shared identical grins._

"_Can I take care of her?" She asked quietly._

_Her mother said nothing, but her father beamed. "Of course you can, Alice. You are her big sister."_

I frantically sat up and breathed heavily. Wait. Sat up? The last thing I remembered was sitting on the stairs, trying to find out if Emmett could play baseball.

"Oh!" I heard a shriek that definitely sounded like my sister, Rosalie's voice. "She's awake!" I watched her cautiously sit down on the edge of the bed. I was in my room, though I had no idea how I got there. Moments later, Carlisle, Esme, and Emmett walked in.

Esme dashed towards the bed and sat next to me. "Are you alright, dear? What happened? Did you see anything?" She worriedly threw questions at me, too fast for even a vampire to hear.

I watched Carlisle put his hand on her shoulder and calmed her down.

There was so much love. I envied them.

I turned to see Emmett holding Rose's hand, as he stood next to her. Rosalie took a moment to look up at his face; he flashed his large, goofy smile which surprisingly, Rose returned with her own, more elegant one.

There was too much love.

I wish I had someone here. I idiotically looked at the other side of the bed, as if by some miracle, he would be there. But he wasn't, of course, and I slowly found my gaze towards the window. He had always stared at it; I always wondered what was so interesting.

"Alice." Carlisle broke me out of my reverie. "What happened? Emmett told me that he was asking you if the weather would be nice for baseball. You told him that you couldn't see anything, but then suddenly you did." Ah, Carlisle was a great leader. I admired him immensely.

"It must have been some hell of a vision since took you so long." Emmett chuckled.

I felt my brow furrow in confusion. "How long was I gone?"

"It was an hour, or so," Carlisle answered.

Esme took my hand and patted it comfortingly. "What did you see, sweetie?"

"I think I saw the past," I muttered. "Something's wrong with me."

"What do you mean?"

I sighed, "It's been days since I saw a real vision. I tried to see one, but there was nothing. I couldn't see anything. I thought that maybe it was just a reaction, due to the circumstances I'm in now. So I didn't panic." I wondered if I made any sense. "I saw myself in this vision. But it was weird, I was a little child. I saw my mother and father's face. And my sister, Cynthia, though she was just a newborn baby."

Everyone was silent; calculating this bit of information.

"What does that mean, Carlisle?" I couldn't take the silence any longer.

He looked thoughtful. "I'm not quite sure yet. There may be a chance that you are starting to remember parts of your life, your memories."

What I saw was true? That was what my parents looked like? I saw the hate from my mother's eyes, but the love from my father's eyes was enough for me.

"I saw my mother." I whispered, "She hated me already, and I looked like I was about four years old."

Esme gave me a motherly hug, as I started to quietly sob on her shoulder. After awhile, Emmett and Carlisle left. I pulled away from Esme's grasp. "Rosalie, Esme, thank you." I quietly told them.

Esme smiled and left, muttering something about cleaning the attic. Rosalie however, stayed.

"Rosalie?"

She looked up, "Yes?"

"You're still here. Did you want to talk about something?" I tried as much as I could to keep rudeness from entering my voice.

I heard her sigh quietly. "Alice," she began, "I know we haven't been very close, even though we've lived in the same house for years. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm here. I know I haven't been the nicest person, but I want to change."

That was . . . surprising, to say the least.

"Thank you, Rose. But I just want to be alone right now, if you don't mind." I murmured.

"You should shower again." She sent me a small smile before quietly slipping out of the room.

What was happening to me? My visions were a mess, and I was seeing the past.

I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate.

Jasper Whitlock.

I tried to locate him, what he was going to do, anything.

I saw nothing but black. Not even the tiniest bit of the future.

Okay, this was getting really frustrating. Now I couldn't even learn if my husband was alive!

Relax, Alice, relax. Breathe in, breathe out. Try again.

"Any luck?" A deep, amused voice suddenly interrupted my concentration. Due to the sudden appearance of the voice, I yelped and fell off the bed. The good thing was: I fell gracefully, if that was even possible.

I carried myself back onto the bed, and glared at the intruder. "What are you doing here? Can't you see I'm trying to concentrate?" I grumbled. I was embarrassed and frustrated, which is a very clear sign to leave me alone.

"I heard." His tone was sad.

What did you hear? The fact that my husband left and didn't want me to come, or that I can't see the future anymore? Or maybe you heard that I'm now a psychic of the past? There's a lot of news now.

"All of them." He answered my thoughts. Stupid, mind-reading vampire.

"Why do you think you can't see the future?" He asked. Edward was leaning on the wall, and for that I was grateful. Everybody was trying to comfort me, rub my back and assure me. I needed some space.

"I think it has something to do with Jasper leaving. It's upset me too much." I sighed sadly. "Or maybe I'm losing my touch. Maybe my gift was just temporary."

He nodded silently, as I felt my mind being probed. Do you think he's alright?

"Yes, I do think he'll survive. He's a big boy." He chuckled at his petty attempt to lighten the mood.

"Any luck in tracking? Do I see a new job for Little Ed?" I teased and let out half a smile.

He glared at me lightly. "No luck." He shrugged. "Apparently, I suck at tracking."

I nodded, completely agreeing with him. I stared out of the window again. What was so interesting about this window? What did Jasper see that I couldn't? It was just a bunch of trees, and a river, and more trees.

"He finds it peaceful to look at." Edward answered my unasked question. "Whenever he would stare outside, to look at the scenery, he would forget all about the emotions of others. He would feel only his emotion. He found it very stressing to feel every emotion this family feels. It's too 

hard for him. I remember him mentioning this to me once. He told me how much your emotions hurt him. He hated the fact that he couldn't make you feel better, that he couldn't make this family feel better."

What an emotional fool.

I turned to Edward. And you know what, Edward, you're the paranoid fool.

"What? What did I do?"

"Did you really have to leave Bella?"

"Alice." He growled in warning.

I rolled my eyes. Just get out Edward; I'll see you the next time you visit.

He looked at me, but I had already looked away.

"You can survive this, Alice. You're strong."

I sighed. "I hope." I heard him grasp the doorknob. "And, thank you." I mumbled when he had stepped out of the room. He heard it, if not by his ears, his mind.

What was I to do?

I'm useless.

I can't see the future. I can't see my husband.

What is wrong with me?

* * *

A/N: Hello. Did you like it? Review even if you hated it. ;D


	4. Chapter 4: Surprise, Surprise

**Losing One's Hope**

**Chapter 4: **Surprise, Surprise

"How could you do something so . . . _irresponsible_?" Esme ranted on as she continued to pace in front of me. I sat on the couch, feeling like a teenage girl that was in trouble for partying all night (which was not the case, by the way). I hung my head down as I felt all eyes on me.

My family surrounded me, all of them wearing different looks, yet it all felt the same, it felt wrong. Rosalie, who was sitting on my left, had this blank look on her face. I didn't know if she hated me or felt sorry for me -either way, I didn't like it. Emmett, who was not surprisingly sitting next to Rose, wore a disapproving look. And as seeing this, I felt more ashamed. A disapproving look was something he was familiar with since he always received from everyone, but for him to look at me that way, it made me feel so much worse.

Don't get me started on my parents. No, not my real parents, but Carlisle and Esme. Just looking at them makes me feel as if I've killed a human -which I didn't if you're wondering. Carlisle was sitting in a chair in front of us; he had that superior-yet-calm look on his face. I would've liked it if he just acted like Esme. It would've been better than this. While Esme, oh dear Esme, she's been shrieking in front of me for almost an hour since I've arrived. She hasn't stopped since. Oh, these are the times I wish vampires needed to breathe.

Edward even called me awhile ago. He gave me quite an earful. He ranted on how irresponsible and stupid I acted. And yet there he was – wherever he was - out not knowing what kind of danger he was in. He was supposed to be my favorite brother, and he still is, but he should've understood. He knew how it felt, and yet he was angry at me.

I already felt stupid as it was; did they need to point out how pathetic I acted?

Oh, wait, Esme is addressing me for once. I better listen.

"What were you thinking, Alice? Why didn't you bother to tell anybody or at least leave a note?" Her tone was all but happy.

I lifted my head and looked at her. "I just . . . it all came too fast. And I was afraid that I would be too late." I felt my voice tremble.

I watched her reply, but no sound came to my ears. I tried to drown it out, all of it.

I tried to concentrate on what happened, what I did. Seconds later, the events came crashing back down in my mind.

_**Earlier**_

Rosalie, Emmett, and I were sitting on the couch. Rose and I were talking about her and Emmett's upcoming honeymoon, again. I lost count of their honeymoons by their tenth. Why couldn't they just have one? It's not any different than being here, right?

Emmett was watching television, when one of the most idiotic lines I have ever heard in my whole life. The television was showing a stupid cartoon about vampires. They're clearly over the top. The fangs were just so . . . long. And what kind of vampire in the right mind announces that they will 'zuck yoor blad' before they even have their prey?

"Who the hell would be stupid enough to say 'I will suck your blood'?" Thank you, Rosalie.

Emmett quickly looked at us, a smile on his face. "I tried that once on a deer." He had that blank look on his face that told us he was having one of those flashbacks. "It looked at me weirdly before running away for his life."

Choosing to ignore the weirdness that is my brother, I decided that it was better for all of us if we watched something more . . . normal. "Change the channel, Emmett." I whined.

Rosalie had an amused smile on her face. She was obviously used to Emmett's random moments, since they try to spend every waking moment together.

"I like this." He dramatically pointed towards the TV. "It's funny!"

"Change it!" I raised an eyebrow, daring him to go on further.

And the idiot did go on. "No, I don't want to." He had a smug smile on his face as he waved the remote to me. "I have the remote, so boo you." He chuckled teasingly.

What the hell did gigantic, pale vampire say? Oh, it is _so_ on.

Maybe . . . Rose can help me. "Help me?"

Rosalie shook her head; she still wore that amused smile. "No, no, no. You two are one of the most stubborn people I've ever met. You two figure this out on your own."

I huffed as I pouted and crossed my arms across my chest. Apparently the action was funny since Emmett laughed even more. "Give me the remote, Emmett!" You'd think that living with me for more than a decade would've taught any sane person never to laugh at Alice Cullen. The bastard laughed even harder, and he actually taunted me.

"What's little, itty bitty pixie-like Alice going to do?" I saw Rosalie shake her head in disapproval as she scooted farther from him. What a very wise choice, Rose, very wise indeed. "Is little Alice going to shake her wings and call out Tinkerbell and all her little friends for help?"

"What was that, Emmett?" I asked in a sickeningly sweet tone.

He waved his hand, laughing harder. "Nothing Alice, nothing at all." Wow, the boy really did not know when to take a hint. Oh, well, time to put the matter in the right hands.

I lunged at him, as I tried to take the remote. He yelped in surprise, as if I didn't make my intentions clear. Give me the remote, or die. Oh, Emmett, you should know never to cross Mary Alice Brandon Whit-. I'm getting sidetracked, aren't I? Well, back to the story then.

Emmett and I yelled and cussed in any way we can. I even used a couple of curse words from a different language. Ah, the knowledge you learn when you have been living for more than sixty years. Unfortunately for him, his luck ran out, as I happily skipped back to the couch, clutching the remote.

Emmett plopped on the floor, leaning his head on Rose's legs, a defeated look on his face.

"You scratched me with your nails, and tried to bite me." He whined. "That's not fair."

I shrugged, quickly changing channels. "That's just too bad, little boy." I laughed; Emmett was far from a little boy.

After awhile, Emmett and Rosalie left, muttering something about fixing Emmett's jeep. I continued flipping channels, not knowing what to do. That was before I was pulled out of the world I was currently residing in.

I saw myself for just the briefest moment before the scene changed.

_It showed a dark alley, the moon was full and the stars were bright. A group of young women were walking. They were all laughing and stumbling. It was quite clear they were very, very drunk. They shouldn't be out at this hour, it's very dangerous. Someone might mug them or worse rape or kill them._

_They must be one of those party girls._

_They continued walking and laughing when I suddenly saw a streak of blonde hair from behind them. He was stealthily following them. His hair was slightly shorter; his walk was silent and careful. His eyes were a shade I have never worn by him. They were a mixture of red and black. It was truly terrifying._

_A sudden wave of panic hit me when I realized what he was about to do. _

_I could almost hear his mind figure out a plan to take them all out in less than half a second. He obviously could do that, seeing as how vulnerable they were. And he was trained to do this stuff. It would be as easy as stealing a car._

_To my horror, he finally lunged himself at them, starting from the one closest to him. A soft, distinct crack could be heard followed by several more of those. The women could only yell for a fraction of a second before their lifeless bodies fell to the ground._

_I wanted to stop. I wanted to stop seeing the horrific vision in front of me. I wanted to save those women, to save him from himself. The sight itself made me want to hurl._

_He quickly pulled them back towards a dark alley, their bodies blending in with the darkness as they slowly slipped away from my sight. But before my vision had ended, a sign caught my attention. The word, 'Downtown' in big capital letters with bright lights was hanged on top of the small building. 'The Hippest Club in Brooklyn since 1948' was hanged below it in a smaller font._

I gasped as I closed my eyes and started breathing deeply. I had torn the couch pillow I was holding in two. Oh, Esme was going to kill me. But that was the least of my problems.

I could feel that he was going to do this again, and again, and again. I had to stop him. I couldn't save those women, but I could save a lot more. I could save him. I rubbed my face nervously, as I weighed down my options.

Option # 1: Wait for Carlisle to return from work and tell him what I saw.

But who knows how many people he's gotten to by the time Carlisle arrives.

Option # 2: Call Edward and tell him what I saw.

This seemed like a good idea for me. I took out my cell phone and called him, but his cell phone was currently turned off. Nice timing, Edward! You could've turned you cell phone off some other time.

Option # 3: Call Carlisle and tell him what I saw.

This seemed like another good idea. I repeated the same procedure but this time, I received the answering machine.

"Dr. Carlisle Cullen here. I can't come to the phone right now, as I am performing surgery for the next eight hours straight. Leave a message after the beep, and I will try to talk to you as soon as I can."

Stupid Doctor Vampire.

Option # 4: Call Esme and tell her what I saw.

No, that wouldn't do. She would tell me to follow Option # 1, which automatically puts this Option down the drain.

Option # 5: Tell Rosalie and Emmett.

I'm sure they're quite busy right now, and they would tell me to follow what Option # 4 would tell me, which was to follow Option # 1.

And then, there was Option # 6: Go to New York and stop him myself.

That was a very, very, bad idea. I knew that. So why was I sitting on a plane that is headed towards New York?

It's because I am very stupid, and very, very hopeful.

As soon as the plane landed, I ushered myself to the first cab I saw. I didn't know where I was going, but I didn't care. All I wanted to do was to find him, and try and stop him. My phone kept vibrating in my pocket; I knew they were calling me. They have been doing that for the past 5 hours. Once a call stops, another one comes.

"Where in Brooklyn, miss?" The old driver politely asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I shook my head. "Are we already in Brooklyn?" He nodded. I pulled out my wallet and paid him a hundred dollar bill which he kindly refused since it was too much and he didn't have change.

"Just stop here. And please take it, keep the change." I smiled, before getting off the car and studied my surroundings. I heard the car move but reverse back.

"Miss?" He opened the window and popped his head out.

I looked at him, confused. "Yes?"

"This is Brooklyn, so please be careful." He advised.

I nodded a silent thank you before walking away in search for that place. It wasn't hard since I ran in vampire speed. After a few minutes, I was leaning on a wall watching the alley and the club. I already scanned the alleyways; trying to make sure there was no one hiding.

It was almost five in the morning, several people had passed by, but he wasn't there. Maybe he left already, moved to another state. But I saw him, I saw him here. He needs to be here. I need to see him. I needed to know that he was okay, he was fine. I needed to see if he was happy, because I'm not.

Weeks went by, and I pretended that I was fine, that I could try to live without him there to help me. But I couldn't; I tried but I can't. Edward told me he was fine, he told me my husband would be okay. But somehow, I didn't want to believe it until I really saw him.

You can't imagine how hard it was. I've always lied on my bed at night, closing my eyes as I pretended to sleep. Every time I would do that, he would be beside me, watching me. But every time I open my eyes now, I would see an empty bed space next to me. There was no one there, no one to smile and hug me, nobody there to tell me how they felt when they "slept".

I don't want to put up my façade anymore. Nobody was here, nobody knew me, nobody would know, and nobody would judge. I can't take it anymore. He used to be my wall; he kept me feeling positive about anything and everything. When I woke up after the three agonizing days of transformation, I didn't know a thing. And then I "saw" him. And then I met him. He guided me through everything. He helped me become the person I am today.

God, that sounded incredibly cheesy, but it's true.

I breathed deeply, trying to calm myself down. He was going to be here. He had to be here.

I shook my head, trying to stop the very, very accurate flashback.

Safe to say, he wasn't there.

Yeah, pathetic isn't it? I hopped on plane to New York and waited for hours for him. And it turns out, it was all a misunderstanding. Let me explain it to you since you look very, very confused.

Remember when I had that vision? Yeah, I was there in the beginning, even if it was just for a tiny second. I was still there. Well, it seems that I am still an active psychic of the past. The vision I saw happened way, _way_ back. I saw it when I saw human, one of my pre-vampire days.

Silently breaking down near the alley in New York, I had a vision; a very accurate vision. I saw myself in a dark room, rocking myself back and forth as I whispered 'My parents will come back for me. Cynthia will save me. Father will be calling me "Alice" while my Mother would smile' like a mantra. I was probably already at the asylum that night. As I continued to watch myself, the scenery changed. It showed me the vision I had earlier that day, the one about him. After it, the scenery changed once again. It showed me crying as I continued to whisper that mantra, but this time there was another added sentence. 'Jasper and I will be happy.'

Let's just say I had a meltdown at that very alley where he had murdered several.

I remembered sitting down, sobbing like it was the end of the world. I probably looked pretty pathetic since I didn't even have tears down my cheeks. I felt that sinking feeling in my stomach –like when I unwillingly ate human food to be inconspicuous- sink further down, to the deepest level. I didn't like the feeling; I never wanted to feel that broken, ever.

But I still was.

I dragged myself to the airport, trying to see the better side of life. I couldn't see the side where he wasn't there but everything was better. There was no side of life that was like that.

_**Present**_

"I know how hard it is, Alice." Carlisle caught my attention. "I lived alone for a long time, too. It's incredibly hard, but you need to continue on. You have a family that loves you. We want to help Alice, but you need to allow us to help you."

I looked up at him, his gaze was burning me. "Thank you." I managed to say. I hugged my knees to my chest and leaned my head on Rosalie's shoulder. "Thank you for everything."

I felt Rosalie wrap her arm around my shoulders. I was broken, and I was glad they're trying to fix me.

"You've always got us, Alice." Emmett smiled. "We're here."

I nodded and smiled. I closed my eyes comfortably. My family was there to support me. They loved me no matter what I did.

_So, hear this now. Come home, come home, 'cause I've been waiting for you, for so long, so long._

I know one day you will, I'll wait.

The door creaked open, catching everyone off-guard. I didn't want to open my eyes; I didn't have the strength.

I heard Emmett get up and stand in front of us, undoubtedly in a protective manner; he was lightly growling.

And then I caught that scent. I opened my eyes to see for myself. To make sure my mind wasn't playing tricks.

_So come home, come home. _

I didn't expect it to be so _soon_.

He was home.


	5. Chapter 5: The Welcoming

**Losing One's Hope**

**Chapter 5: **The Welcoming

* * *

I blinked, and blinked, and blinked some more.

He was still there, intensely gazing at me.

It wasn't real; it had to be my imagination. He couldn't be back, could he?

I looked at the others; they appeared to see him too. Could I be imagining them, too?

Emmett continued growling at him, in a protective stance in front of me. Rosalie gripped me harder and more protectively. Esme stared at him; she seemed to be in shock, just like the rest of us. Carlisle's eyes flashed to me, then to him, and then to everybody else. He seemed to be looking at everyone.

I breathed in carefully, and then closed my eyes. I slowly counted to ten, breathing the numbers quietly before I opened my eyes once again. He was still there, he was really there. He was back, but . . . but why?

I realized my hands were shaking and slowly I let my knees fall back down as I breathed deeply. I shrugged out of Rosalie's grasp and rose. Emmett stopped growling to look back at me with a questioning gaze and Rosalie stared curiously. Esme was carefully observing Jasper, Emmett, and I.

I shook my head and motioned Emmett to stay back, which he complied to reluctantly as he sat back down on the couch next to Rose. Jasper lifted his gaze from me to the floor as he shuffled his feet awkwardly. I knew that gesture for of all my life, well the life I could remember – this life. He never did like having the spotlight all to himself. Everybody stared at him as he stood outside the door.

He cleared his throat quietly before talking. "May I come in?"

I heard Esme breathed a sigh of relief as I cautiously watched her run towards him, engulfing him in one of her hugs. Jasper smiled weakly before wrapping his arms around her. I suddenly felt a huge wave of relief, as did everyone else. I looked at Carlisle questioningly as he gestured towards Jasper.

"You are always welcome here, Jasper." Esme untangled her arms from around him and turned to us. She smiled happily at us. She looked . . . younger. It must have been the relief of having one of her children back.

He stepped inside but kept his gaze down. "Thank you, Esme."

Carlisle cleared his throat, bringing Jasper's attention to him. He nodded kindly as Jasper nodded back, as if no words were supposed to be spoken. Rosalie stood up and slowly walked towards him. She stopped in front of him before putting her hands on her hips and started glaring at him. If looks could kill, he would be dead in the most literal way.

"I really want to kill you right now. You are just like any other man out there! You try to be a hero but you are just making things worse! I could really kill you right now, I can do that." She poked his chest numerous times. After some time, she finally stopped and lifted her head to look at him.

"You are the most idiotic, pathetic excuse for a vampire! Do you know how much trouble you caused? And just when things are looking better, you come barging back here?" She waved her hands dramatically. "I want you to know, you're the second biggest bastard I have ever met." She let out a small smile before wrapping her arms around his waist and hugged him. "You don't own first place since you came back."

That was the Rosalie I knew. Her insults were her own little way of congratulating or welcoming.

Rosalie walked back to Emmett, who was now standing and glaring at him. "Jasper." He nodded his head as Jasper nodded back. What is it with men and nodding? Is there some sort of message through that?

Jasper's gaze finally got to me as we stared each other down. "Hey." He softly said, digging his hands in his pockets.

I was in trance like state as I continued to stare at him.

"I have to go clean the basement. Will you come and help me, Carlisle?" Esme loudly stated. Carlisle nodded quickly before both of them walked upstairs. Now I knew they were trying to leave us alone. There were three wrong things with what Esme said and did. Number one, we didn't _have _a basement. Number two, they went _upstairs_. And number three, Esme likes to clean on her own, without anyone helping her.

Rosalie cleared her throat awkwardly. "You brought the Volvo back, right Jazz?" She quickly answered her own question. "I'll have a good look at it to make sure it's still in a good condition. Come, Emmett."

Emmett looked at me questioningly. I motioned for him to go and he unwillingly followed Rose. "Okay."

I breathed deeply. "What are you doing here?" That was calmer than I expected. Okay, Alice, you can do this. I felt happy, nervous, scared, and angry all at the same time. That was not normal, was it?

"They called me." His eyes were the purest of black. "I didn't know you were back. I just got off the plane and rushed here. They told me you were missing."

I slowly walked towards him until I was in front of him. I lifted my head upwards to stare at his face. "You're thirsty." I mumbled as I slowly lifted my hand to his cheek. "You took a plane full of humans with this kind of thirst?" I questioned.

His posture went rigid at my touch. "Yes." He answered. "They told me you were missing. They didn't know where you were. I didn't know if you were still alive. I panicked." He admitted.

"Now you know how I feel." I retracted my hand away from him. "Where were you? I didn't know where you were. You didn't call or write. I didn't know if you were okay, I didn't know if you were even alive. You could've been hurt or worse –killed- and I wouldn't even know."

My voice slowly broke as I whimpered. "I don't know what I would do if you died, Jazz. I just won't know what to do." I tore my gaze off of his face towards the floor.

I heard him sigh before his arms cradled me towards him. He carefully placed my head on his chest as he kissed the top of my head. I wrapped my arms around his waist and breathed in his familiar scent. "Alice . . ." He sighed once again. That was the first time I noticed that he sighed so much.

"I told myself if something happened to you, I would come back to try and save you." He stroked my hair carefully. "You told me if I ever wanted to come back, you would accept me with open arms." I realized how much I missed him. How incomplete I felt without him. "When I walked through that door, this overwhelming emotion hit me, hard. I realized that what I did hurt you more than it protected you. I want to come back, Alice, I want to help take away the pain you feel. I want to keep the promise I made to you back when we got married. I promised to try and protect you from hurt and pain. Will you let me come back?" He asked quietly.

I said nothing for awhile as I thought about what he just said. He came back. He did what he had to do, and now he was back. I felt numb as I tried to bury my head on his chest. "Please don't leave me again, Jasper." I whispered quietly. "Please don't go away. I never want to feel like that again."

He pulled away from me and lifted my chin up so that I was staring at his face. "Alice, I love you so much. No one could ever replace you. I was a monster, and you saved me. You pulled me out of the darkness." Even though his eyes were black, it still held that sparkle. "One thing I learned from being away from you that I never wanted to feel like that again, the feeling of loneliness. I will never leave you again, Alice."

"Promise?"

He nodded. "I promise."

"Do you know the thing I missed the most?" I asked with a slight grin.

He raised an eyebrow at me, curiously. "No, but I'm thinking it's something very painful, like shopping." He winced teasingly.

I hit his chest lightly. "Well, yes, but that's not what I was going to say. But now that you mentioned it, I haven't been out of the house in ages. And you look scruffy; let's go to the mall and give you a makeover." I grinned.

He rolled his eyes. "Alice . . ."

"But seriously, I missed your kisses. Give me one right now, and then we can go to the mall." I haven't felt this happy since moving away.

He smiled. "So before we can go to the mall, I have to kiss you first?" I nodded. "Well, we'll just have to kiss later then, when the mall's closed."

I pouted playfully before standing on the tip of my toes and lightly pressed my lips on his. His grip on my waist tightened as he pulled me closer. I laughed as I squirmed to pull away. "Come on, we have to go shopping."

He groaned, his arms still locked on my waist. He buried his face on the crook of my neck. "You can't get away that easily, my little pixie."

"Fine." I sighed. "We can go tomorrow after we've hunted." I smiled.

He kissed my forehead lightly and smiled down at me. "I love you."

I told you Jasper would make everything better. Once he came back, everything would be better. And it was. "I love you too."

* * *

**A/N: **No, that was not the last chapter. There will probably be two more, or at least one. The last chapter will be a special one, I assure you. Once again, reviews are greatly appreciated, no matter what kind they are.


	6. Chapter 6: Bella's Friend Named Cliff?

Losing One's Hope

Chapter 6: Bella's Friend Named Cliff?

* * *

I skipped into the living room, several shopping bags hanging on both of my arms. I smiled happily as I saw the figure waiting for me on the couch. "I'm back," I sang as I excitedly walked towards him, carefully set down the bags and gracefully sat next to him.

His eyes were warm and sparkling, just the way I liked them. His lips were curved upwards in an amused smile. "Yes, you are back. And you brought the whole mall with you." He took my hand and kissed it. "How can one so small carry so much energy?" He questioned teasingly.

I laughed softly. "It's easy when I have something to be excited about." I sighed contently as I heard his carefree laugh. We had the house all to ourselves. Esme and Carlisle were out of town for the weekend to spend some quality time together while Emmett and Rosalie were on their honeymoon – again.

I rested my head on his chest and looked up at him questioningly. "So, how did you spend your day?"

He played with my hair as he looked at me with a smile. "I read a couple of books. I know you already know what I've done, so please don't make me waste my breath."

I rolled my eyes. "Drama queen." I muttered. He laughed quietly as he traced circles on my arm.

"So, what did my little pixie buy this time?"

I perked up almost instantly as I picked up the bags. "I bought you a gift, Jazz." I was excited for his reaction. I've already seen it once but I couldn't wait to see it again. I was literally shaking with joy as I pushed a black velvet box towards him.

He shook his head, laughing quietly. "Are you proposing?" He took the box from me and looked at me questioningly. "I'm not really sure of the answer, as of now. Maybe another time . . ."

"Jasper!" I shrieked, desperately waiting for him to open the box. "Stop being so childish and open it! Please?" I pleaded as I looked at him with big eyes. I knew he couldn't say no to me, not while I looked at him like this.

"Me? Childish?" He snorted. "I'm not the one shaking off the couch." One stern look from me was all it took for him to stop teasing me. "Alright, I'm going to open it now. Don't know why you're so excited . . ."

I squealed as he stopped talking to look at the box. "Alice . . ." He breathed, as he took the piece of jewelry from the box and held it in his hand. A simple silver chain with an army dog tag pendant was in his hands. The pendant looked anything but cheap. It was a simple, elegant gold tag with a tough looking bronze lining on the sides. And engraved on the front in dark gold was the name, Major Whitlock. And below it, one simple star, which had been the sign of being a major.

"I knew you'd love it!" I clapped my hands excitedly as he continued to run his fingers all over the pendant. "I had it specially made for you - it took me a while, too. But it was all worth it. The materials used are all true gold and bronze."

When he didn't say anything, I began to worry. In my vision, I saw him hugging and laughing with me. "Oh God, you don't like it, do you?"

He finally lifted his gaze away from the pendant to me. "No, no." He assured, "I love it. It's the most thoughtful gift I have ever received. I don't even have the words to tell you how much your gift means to me." He flashed me a grateful smile.

"I know that those weren't invented back then," I informed him. I did a couple of runs on the internet. "But it was the closest I could get to your time. I'm sorry I couldn't get you anything from your time."

He took my hand and smiled. "Don't say you're sorry. I love you so much for even thinking of giving me this. I feel horrible for not giving you anything, but you know it's hard to surprise a seer." He kissed my hand lightly. "Thank you, Alice. You're truly wonderful."

I rolled my eyes. "So I've been told,"

He lifted the necklace up his head towards his neck. It looked absolutely wonderful on him. "Thank you, again." He whispered before kissing my lips lightly. "I'll wear it forever." He let out a grin which spread all over his face.

I snuggled next to him as I told him how my day went. Of course, he listened to every word I said. "And then, just when I was about to buy this magnificent yellow dress, the cashier told me my card was maxed out. I was shocked beyond all, because for a seer, I didn't see this coming. So, then I felt afraid because I didn't have anything to pay for the dress." He waved his hands before I could even continue.

"So, you worried because you couldn't buy the dress?" I nodded. What was so hard to understand with that? "You didn't feel worried because you didn't see it coming, that maybe your visions were off again?"

I shook my head. "No. It's just . . . the dress seemed more important back then." He chuckled a little before motioning me to continue with my story.

"Okay, as I was saying. I was afraid I didn't have anything to pay for my dress. All my other cards were maxed out, and then I remembered I brought one more card that wasn't maxed out, your card. So, I contemplated if I should use it or not. But, the dress won. I managed to convince the cashier to let me use it. And then, poof! I bought the dress." I smiled proudly as I pulled one of the shopping bags towards me.

Just as I was about to pull out the said dress, I was then pulled away from the world I desperately needed to be in. A swirl of new colors invaded my mind as I watched a girl with familiar chestnut locks jump from a cliff into the water. I felt panic run through my veins as I desperately waited for her to swim back up.

"Alice?" I opened my eyes sharply as I looked around. "Alice, what did you see? Is everything alright?"

I rubbed my temple carefully as I tried to remember everything that I saw. Only four words registered in my mind. And it wasn't looking good. How could this happen?

Bella. Jump. Cliff. Dead.

I felt a pair of hands shake my shoulders lightly. "Alice," A very worried and stern voice caused me to look up at the owner. "Please tell me what happened."

I stared at Jasper, his eyes begging me to let him in. I couldn't speak. I was too surprised. How could she be so stupid as to commit suicide? I've always known Bella was a silly human, but this was just really over the top. Didn't she think of the consequences?

"Bella." I whispered as I felt my body shake with fear.

"Bella?" Jasper worriedly ran his hand on my arm as he tried desperately to figure out what I had just said. "What about her?"

"Bella. Jump. Cliff. Dead." I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate once again. The same scene welcomed me as I watched the water calmly hit the rocks. She had to be there! She couldn't die! She couldn't let Edward down! I slowly lost hope as I watched the water crash back and forth on the rocks. There was no brown hair in sight. She was gone.

I gasped heavily as I felt myself slowly fall on Jasper's lap. I felt exhausted, as if I just fought a heavy battle. I was shaking with fear and disbelief. I knew something like this was going to happen. Bella loved Edward too much for her to not do anything. Edward wouldn't listen to me when I told him. Oh God, Edward. What was I going to say?

I opened my eyes slowly and saw a pair of worried eyes looking back at me. "Alice?" He questioned as he stroked my cheek worriedly. "Please tell me you're okay. Do you feel any pain? Do I need to call Carlisle?" His voice was fast and panicky.

"I'm fine," I managed to say. "Just let me catch my breath." I shot him a small smile before closing my eyes. I just noticed how weird my statement was. I am a vampire; I didn't need to catch my breath.

"Bella? Jump? Cliff? Dead?" I hear him whisper to himself. "Bella jumped and met a guy named Cliff but he died?" Jasper went silent for a minute. I then silently questioned my husband's mind. How the hell would he get that idea? I slowly calmed myself down with the help of Jasper's presence.

I opened my eyes once again and locked eyes with Jasper. "She's . . . Bella . . . suicide . . . Edward . . . cliff . . . water . . . Jasper?" I rambled as I tried to process everything. Let's see now, I had a vision of Bella. She jumped off a cliff somewhere, and I never saw her swim back up. I sat back up and straightened myself.

"Alice, what happened? What did you see?" Jasper calmly asked me.

I breathed carefully. "I saw Bella . . . She jumped off a cliff . . . I never saw her resurface."

I watched him calmly figure things out. How can he be so calm? Bella was dead. I saw her jump. I saw her die! "Maybe . . . maybe you just saw it wrong, or something."

"I saw it, Jasper!" I yelled at him as I stood up and began pacing in front of him. "I saw her jump! As much as I don't want to say it, she jumped and she didn't resurface. She committed suicide! How can you be so calm at a time like this?"

"I need to be calm, Alice. De you think it'll be better if I felt as nervous and scared as you are?" He asked in a firm voice that reminded me of Carlisle. "I believe you, I do. But we need to act calmly. It won't help if we're all panicking."

"But Jasper!" He didn't understand. I had to do something, anything. I couldn't just sit there! "I have to go there." I mumbled as I quickly ran towards our room.

"Alice! What are you doing?" He yelled before going after me. "Are you nuts? Edward made us promise to never go back there again. We shouldn't interfere with things like this." I was grabbing a bag when I looked at him with disgust.

"How can you say that, Jasper? I can help. I might not be able to help Bella now, but I can help Charlie cope. I have to do something! She's family!" I reasoned before stuffing clothes into my bag. I couldn't think properly. Only one thing was clear to me right now: I should go and help.

Jasper suddenly appeared in front of me, a confused look on his face. "Alice, you just can't make a rash decision like this. You can't decide to go to Forks just because of some vision you had. What if your visions really are off? Just like that time when you thought I was killing in New York!"

I zipped up the bag and looked at him with disbelief. "Believe me when I say this, Jasper. I saw her jump! I never saw her resurface. I just have to help."

I ran downstairs and grabbed my purse. "Just wait for Carlisle, if you want." Jasper pleaded for me to stay, but I couldn't. I have to help, somehow, someway. "Just please don't leave yet."

I looked up at his pleading eyes before engulfing him in a hug. "I love you, Jasper. But I really have to do this. I'm sorry." I stood on my toes and kissed his cheek before grabbing the keys to Carlisle's Mercedes. He took the Volvo, surprisingly. I looked at my husband's confused face before leaving.

"Alice? Where are you going?" Just great, Emmett and Rosalie came home early.

I didn't have time to explain, "Just ask, Jasper. I have to go."

Bella was dead. I knew I had to do something, anything, even if it meant leaving my husband and disobeying my family.

* * *

A/N: Alright, I hope I didn't suck that much. There will be one more chapter before I officially end this story. I know I haven't been updating fast. But, I've just been so busy. Anyway, don't forget to review. I really appreciate your comments, no matter what kind they are.


	7. Chapter 7: You're Welcome

**Losing One's Hope**

**Summary: **Jasper feels awful about almost attacking Bella on her birthday. He starts to think that the Cullens are better off without him. Alice sees this in her visions, and that's where she starts to lose all hope. PreEclipse

**Pairings: **Jasper and Alice; with subtle hints of Emmett and Rosalie, Edward and Bella, and Carlisle and Esme.

**Rating: **PG – 13

**Disclaimer: **Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Series, not me.

* * *

**Chapter 7: You're Welcome**

"Oh, God." _Panic. _

"Jasper! Emmett!" _Fear._

"I made a mistake." _Guilt._

Three powerful emotions coming from one source – a vampire, nonetheless. That was never a good combination, no matter what the circumstances are. I have experienced moments like this, and all never ended well. And I have that undeniable feeling that this won't either.

Her featherweight steps flew towards the kitchen; her usually cold eyes were currently in a panic state. Her breathing had stopped all together now. She was literally shaking as she held a silver phone in one hand. I watched Emmett stand up and looked at her cautiously. They silently stared at each other as I continued to watch. Something was wrong, I could definitely feel it.

"Rosalie, what's wrong?" His voice was almost afraid, as if he feared of what she did. Rosalie Hale was capable of a lot of things.

"I called Edward . . ." We all tried to stay positive, we just had to. "I told him she was dead." I could feel it all: the fear, the panic, the heavy guilt, and the anger. I silently stood up and looked at her straight in the eyes. My hand was buried on the wooden table as I felt my nails dig into it. Emmett's mouth was slightly opened as he looked on to his wife.

"Rosalie." I continued to stare at her frightened eyes. Never have I seen such regret in her eyes. My voice was cold and firm. "What did he say?"

She looked away after a minute of staring at me. The words that left her mouth made me cold and the fear that surrounded the room increased even more. "He tried to deny it at first, but I explained what happened. And then," She took a breath before continuing. "He believed it; he 

believed that she was dead. But before the line went dead, I heard him mutter something about Italy."

Silence entered the room and the tension in it was incredibly thick. I felt all the remaining color in my face wash away. "Why, Rose?" My voice started to rise to an incredible volume. "Why would you even do that?" I roared as I pushed back the chair which made it fall. "It's like you don't even know what Edward can do!"

I heard Emmett try to reason out on me as I walked out of the room. I could still hear the whispers the couple made as I walked outside. I felt the overwhelming emotion hit me like a ten wheeler truck; hard and painful. The cold forest breeze greeted me on my way out. I was in this pressured state where I didn't know what to do and nobody was there to help me. I'm not used to people relying on me to decide. I was a follower, not a leader – always have been, always will.

I slipped out a thin, silver phone and dialed a number I knew by heart. "Pick up, pick up."

"_Hey, this is Alice, you know what to do."_

Well, hey, I promised I wouldn't leave again, but she didn't.

Bella Swan is dead, and now, I have a feeling that Edward is going to piss off some royal vamps.

* * *

Emmett had finally managed to calm me down, though it took a lot of effort just to talk to me without hearing complaints about his wife. I couldn't stop the annoyance that I felt towards her. I told her not to tell anyone until we were completely sure that Isabella Swan was dead. I told her not to do anything rash until Alice calls and tell us what really happened. But does Rosalie Hale listen? No, she goes and does what she pleases and she doesn't think of what others will do.

Rosalie and I are quite close. We've acted like we were really twins every day. I used to get along with her so well. We both felt the same emotions when this small, insignificant human went tumbling down our lives. We both felt out of place at that time. She didn't understand how this being would just waste her life by standing next to a family of bloodsucking fiends. I did not understand how they could all control themselves, and I could not. In a way, we are both alike.

But at this very moment, I didn't want to know this harsh creature. I didn't want to be anywhere near this cold being. I wanted the Rose I knew, the Rosalie that hid behind her thick layers of coldness.

I sat as far away from her as I could while still being seated on the couch. Emmett was closely studying the two of us. As if I would strike a girl, better yet, someone I treat like a sister.

"Carlisle and Esme are on their way home." Emmett mentioned. I turned my head towards him and respectfully listened. "According to Carlisle, they'd be here as soon as they could." He clearly expected one of us to respond but we both didn't feel like it.

"Call her." I finally couldn't take the silence and all the bottled up emotions.

Rosalie turned her head towards me and looked at me questioningly. "Excuse me?"

"Call Alice and tell her what you did."

"I'd rather not." She raised an eyebrow as if she was daring me to object.

I put on a fake and bright smile. "And I'd rather you never told Edward what happened. But we all can't get what we want now, do we?" I tossed her my mobile as she caught it flawlessly, her face formed a scowl.

She was just about to flip the phone open when it started to vibrate and beep. "It's Alice." She looked at me questioningly. I nodded and motioned for her to go and answer it. She scowled even more before opening the phone.

I could hear Alice's words clearly as if she was just right beside me. I felt myself involuntarily smile at the familiar sound that made me relax.

"_Rose, I need to talk to Carlisle." _There was something in her voice, something that made me worry.

"He's not home."

"_Fine, as soon as he's back." _

"Are you coming back home?" After only a few hours, I already missed her. I would feel much better if she was right beside me, and I would be watching her order everyone around as if she was the most powerful vampire in the room.

"_No, I'll be on a plane. Look, have you heard anything from Edward?" _On a plane, on a plane to where, exactly? I felt panic as an idea came to mind. Surely, she wouldn't think of following . . . No, she can't.

Rosalie then started to tell her what she did and I could imagine Alice's face and her little fists turning into balls. _"Why? Why would you do that, Rosalie?" _I'd like to know the same thing.

"Well, you told us she was dead. And I believe Edward had the right to know what's happened."

"_Well, you're wrong on both counts, though, Rosalie, so that would be a problem, don't you think?" _The sound of her voice made me wince. It was cold and venomous, nothing like the sweet voice I was used to hearing.

"What? You mean she's alive?" Bella was alive? Rosalie told Edward that Bella died, which meant he believed her which meant he was on his way . . . Oh no.

"_Yes, that's right. She's absolutely fine – " _

"But you saw it!" Rosalie's voice started to sound afraid as her tough barriers slowly crumpled.

"_I was wrong." _I told her she was wrong, but did Alice listen? No.

"But, how?" I was inwardly asking the same thing.

"_It's a long story." _

"Surely, Edward won't do anything rash, would he?" Idiot. It's like she doesn't even know Edward.

"_But you're wrong about that part, too; that's why I'm calling." _

"Edward is going to Italy, isn't he?" Well, nice work, Sherlock. Isn't it completely obvious?

"_Yes, that's exactly what I saw."_

"I didn't – I didn't know. I felt like he deserved to know the truth. I didn't know he was going to do something that rash, that stupid. I didn't know."

"_It's a bit late for that, Rose. Save your remorse for someone who believes it." _Nicely put, I was quite proud of the angry remarks my wife had made. She could be fierce and downright scary at times. I should know, I've witnessed it. Rosalie is lucky to only have talked to Alice via phone. If it was face to face, Alice might have chucked a tree at her, too.

She threw the phone back towards me. "I didn't know, okay? I didn't want this to happen!" She cried out, her eyes pleading for forgiveness. "I'm sorry."

I walked out of the room but before I did, I repeated Alice's words. "It's a bit late, Rose. Save your apologies to Edward, _if _he comes back."

* * *

Looking down the old window inside our bedroom, I felt deathly afraid of what was to come. Edward was going to get himself killed because Bella was dead. But the problem was that Bella hadn't died. People like Edward and Alice had to stop making rash decisions like these.

That thought made me think about Alice – my Alice. I could almost imagine what was going through my wife's mind. Alice's mind was different from others. She somehow convinces herself that she's the one to blame, which makes her go after the mistake and try to fix it. She always feels the need to help others even when it isn't her place to help.

Alice was like the new century Mother Theresa.

I don't mean to disrespect or anything like that, but she really tries to help everyone she cares about. And really, nobody in the right state of mind would turn Alice Cullen down. Whenever you felt sad, she could place a smile on your face. For example, whenever I felt down, I only needed her to brighten up, like this one time when I was home alone . . .

_I was outside the porch, watching a particular tree that had a nest with a bird and her family. Sometimes, I would get away from my family for an hour or so and think. I usually did this whenever Alice went shopping because if she knew I was doing this, she'd never leave my side for centuries. _

_I felt that dark side of me rise inside and my eyes darkened every minute. The emotions were shooting everywhere. The feeling of missing someone you loved, the feeling of happiness, and my own feeling of guilt ate me inside. I just felt the need to have a slap on the face, and the cold Denali wind could definitely provide it for me._

_Everything was finally okay with me and Alice. We were doing great, having fun, living the life. But sometimes, I just . . . I'm afraid that if I tell her that I still feel guilty, our world will crash down again – and I can't let that happen, I can't lose Alice again, not like that._

_My hands gripped harder on the small cement wall I was perched on. The irritating venom found its way into my mouth and that itch in my throat that thirsted for blood ached. I could feel my pupil widen as well as darken into that black nothingness I was used to._

_A familiar silver Volvo suddenly screeched out of nowhere and perfectly parked itself in front of our house. I rolled my eyes as I watched another familiar figure launch itself out of the car, towing three shopping bags in hand. The tiny figure approached me; some stranger would've thought they'd seen a sad angel with the way she looked. Her lips were softly frowning; her eyes were burning into mine as she tried to communicate. _

_I dropped my gaze and looked at the ground. _

"_Jasper." The angel softly murmured as she placed her shopping bags aside. _

_I felt her overwhelming love and fear mix together. I nodded my head, at least to indicate that I was okay, that I was listening to her. _

"_Look at me." _

_I denied the angel's request. I couldn't look Alice in the eye as much as I wanted to gaze into her beautiful pool of brown eyes. _

_I felt a hand lift my chin and forced me to look at her. "Jasper." My name never sounded so beautiful, her soprano voice made it sound godlike. _

"_Alice."_

_I had to resist the urge to chuckle when I saw her tip her toes and lift her lips towards my forehead. She kissed it lightly before standing properly. She took my hand and stared at my eyes. I felt her eyes burn mine. My forehead was still heated by her touch._

_One smile from her was all it took for me to smile, too._

Alice was and forever would be my light in the dark.

And right now, I was stuck in the dark with only the moon as my light. I needed my light, my sun.

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

My eyes quickly darted towards the silver phone on the bedside table. I practically flew towards it and opened it, quickly. "Hello?" I gasped out.

"_Jasper?"_

"Alice!" I felt the worry inside my body vanish. "Please don't tell me you're on a plane to Italy."

I had to smile at the sound of her laugh. _"I'd love to, Jazz, but I really am on a plane."_

"Somehow, I knew you'd be doing something like this." My voice sounded defeated, which I really was. My Alice was on a plane to stop the most powerful vampires from killing my brother.

"_Yes, well, I am Alice Cullen, aren't I?"_

I lay back down on the bed, a tired smile on my face. "So, what does Edward plan on doing?"

"_I can't be sure, I keep seeing him do different things, he keeps changing his mind . . . a killing spree through the city, attacking the guard, lifting a car over his head in the main square . . . mostly things that would expose them – he knows that's the fastest way to force a reaction."_

I'd been to Volterra once, and I knew how many people were in the main square. There were several ways Edward could expose what he was – what we were.

"Typical Edward." I muttered as I closed my eyes. I pretended that everything was okay, that Alice was here, that Edward was here, that we were happy in Forks with Bella. God, that definitely wasn't happening now, was it?

"Look, Alice, I'll go there to Italy. I can help."

"_No, you can't."_

"Alice!" I was getting frustrated. I heard her sigh on the other end of the phone and I felt myself relax. "Emmett will come, Alice. You know how he is."

I didn't like not being there to protect my wife. What if something happened and I wasn't there for her? You didn't have to be Einstein to know that she was going straight into the war zone.

"_Tell Emmett not to."_ I then heard Rose's BMW start.

"Actually, they've already started the car."

"_Well, go after Emmett and Rosalie and bring them back."_ I groaned and jumped off the bed. I began to pace back and forth as I desperately listened to her voice._ "Think about it, Jasper. If he sees any of us, what do you think he will do?"_

"He'll hasten up and kill himself faster . . . before any of us could stop him." I realized where Alice was going with this. Only Bella could stop him, only she could knock some sense in that stubborn boy. And right now, only Alice could take Bella to Italy.

"_Exactly. I think Bella is the only chance – if there is a chance."_ Why did she have to say that? There was a chance, damn it! _"I'll do everything that can be done, but prepare Carlisle; the odds aren't good."_

"Alice, what if something happens? To you or to Bella?" I finally told her. "Messing with the Volturi can kill you, Alice. They are the most powerful vampires in the world. You can't fight them all and expect to win." I whispered quietly as I leaned on the wall. I just want her home, safe and alive. That's all that matters. Having Edward and Bella back was just a plus.

"_I've thought of that." _

"I don't understand why you won't let me go there! Let me follow you. I want to be there with you, Alice. I can't let something happen to you."

And then she pleaded. Her voice sounded so weak, so fragile, and so afraid. I never wanted to hear her voice like that again. _"Don't follow me. I promise, Jasper. One way or another, I'll get out."_

I had to laugh quietly, a bitter feeling running inside my body. "I love you."

"_And I love you."_ And then she hung up, leaving me with an endless sound of nothing. I closed the cold, dreaded phone with a bitter smile on my face. She couldn't promise something like that. Fighting the Volturi's army was a one-way ticket to the deathbed.

_I promise, Jasper. One way or another, I'll get out._

That was one hell of a promise to try and keep.

* * *

I sat back down on the plastic chair, ignoring every feeling and everyone as well.

My body was shaking with nervousness as we waited inside the tacky airport. Almost everybody was gawking at us – the family full of beautiful, incredibly pale people with different shades of brown and black in their eyes. But I couldn't care about any of them; the only person my eyes are searching for is that unique, four foot eight, dancer-like woman with the beautifully cropped black hair.

I could still hear her voice inside myself.

_We're going home. Everything went well. Edward's alive and Bella's with us. We're already on a plane._

I couldn't explain what I felt at that time. I just felt relieved and thankful for making her safe, and making Bella and Edward safe. And now, at any minute, they're expected to arrive. I felt my insides squirming with nervousness and delight.

If there was even just one scratch on my angel's delicate face, I would drive myself crazy.

"Hey, Jazz," Rosalie quietly whispered as she sat down beside me.

I glanced at her before turning my face back towards the arrival section. Any minute now, she's going to be here and everything will be fine.

"Please talk to me."

I clicked my tongue and finally spoke. "Did you want something, Rosalie?" I harshly told her. I knew I shouldn't have been like this. I could feel that she was sorry. But it was hard, she could have gotten Bella, Edward, and Alice killed because of her stubbornness.

She sighed tiredly. "Jasper," she breathed as she played with her fingers on her lap. "I apologize."

If I was playing even the slightest bit of attention, I would've notice her sincerity, but the speaker picked the right moment to announce the flight Alice and the others were on. I heard Rosalie stutter as I walked off towards the entrance. I drowned everything out, every sound and every person in this room.

I blinked as my eyes connected with the ones I yearned for.

I had to smile when she flashed a thumbs-up and one of her own tired smiles. I walked closer, simply wanting to be close to her again. It frightened me a little on how much I depended on her.

There she was standing in front of me. I scanned her face, looking for even just one scratch. Not a single one was on her lovely face. I breathed deeply as I looked into her eyes, somehow talking with her without actually . . . talking.

"Alice," I slowly and quietly breathed as I stared at her. She sent me one of her dazzling smiles again. The ones that made my stomach churn and jump in happiness. I could see it in her eyes. She was extremely happy for herself and for Edward and Bella as well. She looked so tired; if I could, I would've let her sleep.

She looked like an angel coming from heaven. The radiance that surrounded her was bright. No matter what the situation was, she managed to brighten up anyone's day. "Hey Jazz." She hoarsely whispered back.

I glanced back at my family – our family. They were waiting for us to get ready to leave. With an arm around my wife's waist and a tired smile on my lips, we maneuvered our way out of the airport. Somehow, it didn't look as tacky as it looked before.

"You kept your promise." I whispered while driving down the empty highway. One of my hands was on the wheel while the other gripped on Alice's hand. "Thank you."

She let out one of her melodic laughs that never ceased to amaze me. "I should be thanking you, Jasper."

"I don't understand, Alice."

She closed her eyes and smiled faintly. "Thank you for giving me hope when I almost gave up on it."

"Well, you're welcome."

* * *

**A/N: **Did you like it? I hope you enjoyed it, though. I haven't updated in awhile because I've been busy. Alice and Jasper LOVE. Haha. Well, they do, right? Edward and Bella are like awesome, but the whole looking into each other's eyes while not talking is really the reason why I love Jasper and Alice. And the fact that Jasper is so broody and mysterious while Alice is so hyper and funny. And yeah, I love them. :)

-- I'd like to thank my incredible beta, Kirst Furlyf! Thanks Kirsten. You're like the awesomest beta around! Yeah, I know awesomest isn't a word, but you get to have the word for being an incredible beta. Lol. :)) If it wasn't for her, you'd be reading some crappy, wrong grammar story.

I've really enjoyed writing this story and I hope you enjoyed reading it. :) Haha.

Breaking Dawn is here. Yeah, it is! I've got to get a copy soon. No spoilers in the reviews, okay? lol.

Oh, and reviews are very much welcomed, no matter what kind they are. :)

-- Paula

* * *

-- Eclipse, Page 301

"_She was there – expecting me, naturally." He chuckled once. "She hoped down from the high stool at the counter as soon as I walked in and came directly toward me._

"_It shocked me. I was not sure if she meant to attack. That's the only interpretation of her behavior my past had to offer. But she was smiling. And the emotions that were emanating from her were like nothing I'd ever felt before._

"'_You've kept me waiting a long time' she said."_

_I didn't realize Alice had come to stand behind me again. _

"_And you ducked your head, like a good Southern gentleman, and said, 'I'm sorry, ma'am.'" Alice laughed at the memory._

_Jasper smiled down at her. "You held out your hand, and I took it without stopping to make sense of what I was doing.For the first time in almost a century, I felt hope."_


End file.
